why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
