take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
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I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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