She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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