Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
