i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
