Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
