Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
