dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
