Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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