Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
