Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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