she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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