thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
