At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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