Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
