yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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