Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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