i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
