Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
