he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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