my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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