FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
