if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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