He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
