I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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