Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
