my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
