my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think I won the penis lottery.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
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Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
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Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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