Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
