I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
