It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
