Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
