I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
