I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Panties = found
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
