Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
