The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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