You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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