Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
