I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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