I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Couch. On fire.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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