Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I will die if light touches me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
