There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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