I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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