I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So drunk its hurt
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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