Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
