Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
