Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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