I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
its not stalking. its research.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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