Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Randomize
