I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
