i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
