Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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