He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
