that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
