We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
