dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
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I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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