remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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