I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
