shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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