Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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