I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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