even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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