I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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