who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
