Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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