Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
