But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
