Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
