Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
