She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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