dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
