Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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