Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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