8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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