Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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