i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's just like the Real World with babies
of course. lets lasso hookers.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
