jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
