I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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