Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
