when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
