worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
