ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
